I was woken at
6.30am and duly nudged to write this blog post, so taking a leap of faith I
have finally stopped resisting and here I am!
It’s been over a year since I’ve posted. I have been writing but never quite got around to posting
anything and then the moment would pass and I felt less likely to, until
suitably wrapped up in busyness, my blog slipped out of my day to day concern.
I have just finished
reading Gretchen Rubin’s ‘Happiness Project’.
It is a very thought provoking inspiring book but what impressed me most
was her honesty, her authenticity and her sense of self-acceptance. One of her guiding affirmations on her quest
to explore happiness was to “Be Gretchen”.
This meant really embracing her own real likes and needs, not what she
would like them to be or what she felt other people might like or expect.
And so as I reached
the end of the book, I was starting to see why this book might be relevant to
me. (When I picked it up in the shop, I was looking for a birthday present for
my dad but I quickly realised that it was I who needed this book and I got
confirmation tingles when I decided to buy it). I could feel I was starting to get my aha moment but I couldn’t
quite put my finger on it. I’d just
read this very detailed book about Gretchen’s life. There were many aspects I could relate to and some were
revelations as they had been for her. For example I really love children’s
books too but have never really acknowledged it and had limited myself to only
reading these books with my kids. Now I
have given myself permission to read kids books for my own enjoyment too and
plan to re-read the whole Anne of Green Gable series that I loved so much when
I was growing up.
The thing that
really struck me was although there were lots of other aspects of Gretchen that
maybe I couldn’t relate to that easily, it didn’t stop me admiring and liking
her, respecting that she was different to me.
I was intrigued that I found her so interesting. I think this is down to her transparency and
honesty. She didn’t airbrush the
difficulties of being disciplined enough to stick to her happiness
resolutions.
So how does all this
translate to me? I spend a lot of time
journaling my ups and my downs, my feelings, experiences, sometimes poems or
songs, but for my blog, I had decided it was only to be poetry. Sometimes poems come easily. Sometimes there
are gaps, but in the meantime when I allow myself, I scribble away filling up
my journals. This isn’t work, it’s just
what I like to do.
I was also woken up
yesterday morning early and the message was to wake up, grab your pen and start
writing. This is for your blog. But I was super sleepy and by the time I did
wake up and start writing I wasn’t sure what the blog post was anymore….
Self-doubt is one of
my travelling companions in this lifetime and very obligingly came rushing in
to reassure me that no-one really wants to read what I have to say. But I have also realised that since I know
self-doubt is there, it’s up to me to first just acknowledge that’s it’s popped
in again and then continue whatever I am doing regardless.
I realised I had made the confines of my blog too narrow. I want to be able to write about anything I feel like writing about. I want to explore the freedom of self-expression through honesty, transparency and authenticity. It doesn’t matter whether anyone reads this or not because in the act of writing and posting I am exploring my vulnerability and this is the start point for growth. To stretch out of my comfort zone away from the ‘safety’ of poetry into the unknown…
On Sunday I went to a great songwriting
workshop run by John Spillane as part of the Clonakilty Guitar Festival. I had been listening to the audios of Lee
Carroll’s trip to Ireland over the weekend and so when John said to pick
something to write about I immediately thought of Kryon. I was lucky enough to hear Lee and Maria O’Farrell
Carr and Jane Donald speaking in Cork a few weeks ago before they set off on
their sacred tour of Ireland. We spent
a wonderful day in Maryborough hotel and had a lovely walk around the grounds
at lunchtime. This was the inspiration
for my song.
